goodguygrifter: eyebrowsbab (mullet drama stress)
goodguygrifter ([personal profile] goodguygrifter) wrote2016-04-10 06:11 am
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Good old Route 20. It starts in Boston and stretches all the way out to some-fucking-where in Oregon, and it's one of - if not The - the longest road in these great and United States. Stan knows that, because over the past few years Stan has learned a little thing or two about highways. Highways take you over state lines, they take you out of local cop jurisdiction, they take you toward your next big break. By this point highways and Stan are kinda' old friends. This one he don't know that well - not that he don't head up north sometimes, but he tries to stay lower, where the nights are warmer and he don't have to use up so much gas workin' the heater so hard.

Good old Route 20. Taking him away from - god, or more like God, the real big guns, upper case G-O-D 'cause there's been a time or two in the past, the past however long where Stan thinks he mighta' caught himself mid prayer, not that he's ever been a praying kinda' guy, especially not for a while, but sometimes shit just happens. He thinks a part of him might still be at it right now. If that feeling really is a part of him still praying he don't know why he's doing it or what he might be praying for but he don't stop himself, because oh, oh sweet baby Moses if there's a guy in a hundred miles who needs a miracle more than Stan Pines  - or Stu Oakley, the latest in a long line of gen-u-ine home made fake IDs - then that poor bastard's earned it.

This rest stop might be the big break he's looking for. Not a huge break, but you take 'em where you can find 'em and he mighta' found it now because whichever armpit of the US he's tucked all snug into right now decided not to give their taxpayer funded state-welcome-and-rest-area working lamps over the parking lots. Stan hardly looks around, just keeps hobbling right over the curb and for once he ain't thinkin' about how he'd come off if anyone saw, he's not thinking about the extreme roadrash wide and red over his legs and his forearms and the backs of his hands, or the blood that dripped and dried from high up on his forehead where he didn't get his hands far up enough, or that one shoe he lost to who knows where, or anything. He just makes a beeline for the nearest car, yanks at the handle, and this sure is the big break because it comes right open, he stumbles back with how easy it comes open and kneels and makes a noise because fuck, what's left of the skin on his back really don't wanna' move like that and whatever's caked into the mess he's made of his knees sure don't want company, but this is his big break and he's not going to fuck it up and he's going to reach under the wheel and he's going to get those wires and he is gonna' go go go, and he is gonna' meet up with his good old friend the highway of Route 20 and he is going to be okay and he is going to be gone.
sixfingerednerd: (THE GUILT)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-05-01 04:24 am (UTC)(link)
Nothing Stan is saying - not one single bit of it - does anything to dry Ford's eyes or make his throat loosen up enough for him to actually get air in without having to swallow hard a few times first. There are things implied there, ugly things Ford doesn't want to think about but does anyway because how can he not.
Stan's been - god, Ford doesn't even know where he's been, or who he's been dealing with, but he has plenty of guesses kicking around inside his head and none of them are pleasant. Not a single one. He used to think - before now, he used to think Stan had found his niche somewhere out there. He used to imagine he landed himself a solid job, something involving the sort of unskilled labor even a high-school drop out could manage, and that he was doing fine. He probably had a girlfriend, maybe a dog, and a flat that he hardly ever cleaned.

In his mind, Stan had found a way to make it on his own, like he said he would. He went out and proved he really didn't need him after all, and everything was fine.

He knows now that that was just wishful thinking, that the life he imagined for his brother and the reality he was actually enduring could not have been further apart. It makes him feel sick just thinking about it, thinking about how wrong he was, thinking about how this entire time his brother needed his help and he let him down.

He wasn't there for Stan when he needed him, but for what little it's worth, he can be there for him now. And if that means getting involved in - in whatever godawful mess that tore Stan up like this - then so be it. He never thought he'd literally have to take a bullet for his brother, but if that's what it comes down to, if that's the sort of trouble that's following in his brother's wake, then he'll deal with that when it comes.

For now, he has a job to do. It's a job he hasn't done in a long while, but it's one that comes as naturally to him as breathing. Wiping swiftly at his eyes, Ford sniffs, clears his throat, and gets his shit together because it's time for him to suck it up and be a big brother.

"Y-yeah, yeah, well, you'll like the part where we get you patched up even better." He tries to sound firm, but also lighthearted, but all he really succeeds in doing is sounding stuffed up and quavery.

"Come on, Stanley." He gives Stanley one final, hard squeeze before breaking away, his hands moving to his brother's shoulders so that he can more easily guide him into the passenger seat.

"We can keep talking once your inside the car, alright? We - we can talk about anything you want. You mentioned books, right? Tell me about those."
sixfingerednerd: (THE GUILT)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-05-09 01:53 am (UTC)(link)
Ford gets his brother into the car, shuts the door for him, tries not to let out a throat-tearing scream the minute he's got some semblance of privacy because dear fucking God. He's heard of being up shit creek without a paddle, but this is leagues above any hopeless situation he's ever faced before. He's never felt this lost, this helpless. It would help, maybe, if he knew what the fuck to do, but as it stands he's got nothing - no plan, no clue, no options.

All he can do is just - just drive and hope a revelation dawns on him before Stan bleeds out or OD's or decides to make a run for it.

He jogs to the other side of the car, throwing his door open with an unnecessary amount of force as he hurries inside. He leans over, hastily buckling Stan's seat-belt for him before bothering to do his own - it's part instinct, part habit, and part need to distract Stan while he locks the passenger door, just in case.

Once his back is to the seat once more, Ford fumbles with his keys, cursing under his breath until the ignition switches and the engine roars to life. He throws his elbow over the back of his seat as he looks out the rear window, despite knowing damn well there's no one behind them for him to accidently run over. It's a habit, one he curses because it takes up 5 precious seconds of time he could be using to get Stan help.

He's quick to pull out, his tires kicking up clouds of gravel as he makes a three-point turn out of the lot and peels out onto the street. Normally he would be scandalized with himself if he looked down and saw he was going 60 in a 45, but in this one particular instance, he really could not give less of a damn about breaking the law.

His eyes dart from the road to Stan, back and forth and forth and back, unable to stay on one too long before switching to the other.

"We - we'll find your car later, Stan, okay? We're gonna get you patched up first, get you help like I promised, remember? We'll get your car back when you're in better shape, that sound like a plan?"

He doesn't know what he's saying - he has no idea where Stan's car is, who they need to get it back from, or why it is they're doing something to it to begin with, and he's not sure he wants to have the blanks filled in. All he does know is that Stan needs some reassurance right now - he needs reasons to stay calm and be easy, and if comforting lies keep him relatively composed, then that's what Ford's going to give him.
sixfingerednerd: (It's me Dip Dop)

Change nothing it's beautiful

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-05-10 05:19 am (UTC)(link)
Ford does not know who this Jorge character is, but he can already tell, from what very little he knows, that he does not like him. In fact, Ford isn't sure he's ever wanted to punch someone he's never even met quite this badly before. Something tells him that wouldn't end well for anyone, punching this Jorge guy. But it makes him feel better, thinking about it, thinking about how cathartic it would be to lay some hurt on whoever put so much fear into his brother's eyes.

It really gets his red up, hearing that, hearing how worried Stan sounds because someone made him feel that way. Ford's anger simmers inside him, burning at a low but constant temperature in the back of his mind. He pushes it down, keeps it in check, but he doesn't extinguish it. That's the thing about anger - it can be useful. It can keep you going, give you the extra push you need to accomplish things you never could have otherwise. Ford has 12 PHD's to prove that.

He's going to hold onto that anger, hold it tight and close to his heart and hope it burns on the way down when he rams it down this Jorge guy's throat.

Stan's question draws him back out of his own thoughts, and Ford realizes he had been holding the wheel in a white-knuckled grip. He relaxes, or at least tries to, and steals a look over at his brother.

"Yeah, yeah I remember." He replies, distractedly, his eyes fixing themselves more on the road as it becomes increasingly painful to keep looking at Stan. "How could I forget?" He adds quietly, speaking more to the open air than his brother, who-

God, God, he's a mess. Ford sees the fresh blood smeared over his eyebrow and cannot help but wince in a queasy mixture of sympathy and worry, his mouth thinning in a tense line. He turns his eyes back to the road, forcing himself to focus on driving. Just keep going, keep right on driving until you see the city lights. Everything will be fine once they make it into the city, to a hospital. At this point Ford would even settle for some shitty 24-hour gas-station. At least there they could clean Stan up a bit in the restroom and slap some cheap bandaids on him.

Stan needs a whole hell of a lot more than bandaids, though. He needs sitches, antibiotics, a good detoxing, some new clothes, probably a good meal, and - fuck it, Ford's including it because it's something he wants Stan to have even if it's not something he needs - a hug.

"I have clothes in the back." He's not - he's not gonna say anything about Stan not needing to steal another car, or siphon gas. Something tells him Stan won't believe him, and even if he did, breaking his delusion that this is all a vivid hallucination miiiiiight not end well for either of them.

He'll wait to press that particular issue, put it on the backburner for a time when he's not flying down the highway at 60 mph.

"They might be a little, uh, tight on you, but that's just what you get for deciding to have broader shoulders than me, you giant moose."

He's not really in a joking mood, not in the slightest, but he needs to do something to ease the tension in here before one of them snaps from the pressure.
sixfingerednerd: (THE GUILT)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-05-16 03:45 am (UTC)(link)
Ford takes his eyes off the road, stealing a glance over at Stan as he makes that terrible, ill-timed joke. This isn't a funny situation, not in the slightest, and the very last thing Ford feels like doing right now is laugh.

And yet laugh he does, because he needs to let Stan have this. He needs to let himself have this, because right now his only options are to laugh or to cry and he's not about to break his ten year streak just because his heart hurts too much to make that laugh sound real.

Stan, he's got the same problem. He keeps talking, which is good, saying things that make that hurt in Ford's chest dig in a little deeper with every word, which is considerably less good. Ford lets him keep talking, though. He lets him keep talking and laughing that not-real laugh, because so long as he's talking, as long as he keeps going, that means he's gonna be fine, right? He's still got all his mental faculties, he's not going into shock or suffering from organ failure or - or whatever the hell else all those chemicals in his system could do to his body.

So Stan keeps on going, because Ford's not about to interrupt him, not about to derail his train of thought for fear of him never getting back on the tracks again. It's not until Stan goes quiet on him again that Ford finally speaks up, and when he finds he has to immediately start over before he can even get the first word out - his throat is too tight to force out anything more than a croak, so he has to swallow a few times before trying again. Even now he sounds rough - a mixture sleep deprivation and the acute distress this mess is putting him under conspiring together to make him sound more like his nicotine-addicted brother.

"--Stan. Stanley, stay with me, okay? Don't - don't get quiet on me. I wanna hear you talk, alright? Let's - lets go back to the books, you said you liked those. Did you ever read The Old Man and the Sea?"
sixfingerednerd: (It's me Dip Dop)

Oh would you lookie here, character parallels

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-05-19 08:33 pm (UTC)(link)
That worry thing?

Well Ford can't much help that, the worrying. He feels like he's made of it, like it's sunk so deep into his bones that he's never going to be rid of it. He wonders if this is how their mother felt, that time when they were eight and they both came down with that bad case of pneumonia. He remembers how she hovered, floating in and out of their room with a mug of coffee in her hand, how she'd comb their hair back with her long, painted nails and feel their foreheads to make sure they weren't running a fever.

Ford can't help but wish that she was here - logically he knows there's nothing their mother could do that he, as a grown ass man, can't - but still. There's no running from that feeling, that deep-seeded conviction that one's mother can magically make everything better, even when you're at a complete loss.

He licks his lips, turning his eyes back to the road as he switches lanes, heading towards those bright, welcoming lights in the distance.

"You're right, that's what it's about. The title's pretty self-explanatory, huh? But there's more to it than that, there's a message, a - see, the main character Santiago, he's an old fisherman, right? And he's gone a long time without catching any fish, so he's feeling pretty down on himself. He lives alone, he's poor, he's facing his own mortality - it's not a good time for him. But Santiago, he doesn't give up, he doesn't let all those things get to him. He goes out and he takes his boat far out into the ocean, because he's gonna make it, he's gonna break his unlucky streak. He just - he knows it in his heart, he knows this is something he's got to do."

"So he goes out, and he finally catches a fish - a marlin, the biggest one anyone's ever caught. It's so big he can't even drag it up into the boat, so for three days it drags him around, but he never lets go. He ruins his hands and his back, and he starts getting delirious from lack of sleep, but he holds on. He holds on, and eventually he wins, he beats the marlin."

"But Santiago, he just can't catch a break. He has to fight off a swarm of sharks that want to steal his catch, and by the time he makes it back home the marlin's mostly just a skeleton. He went through all that trouble to catch it, but in the end he doesn't have anything to show for it, he can't make any money off it."

He glances over at Stan again, checking to see if he's following along, or if he's fallen asleep.

"That's the thing, though, it was never about the money. It was about Santiago proving himself, it was about him struggling against adversity until he overcame it, despite all the odds stacked against him. He accomplished this great, big thing even though everyone thought he couldn't."

"It's...I don't know. Inspiring? Thinking about a guy like that, I mean. Thinking you could be like that, with enough determination. Even though he doesn't really win in the end, you can't help but admire him."
sixfingerednerd: (It's me Dip Dop)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-05-23 05:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Somehow, Stan's response doesn't surprise Ford. His brother had always been a more materialistic sort of guy, the type of person who needs their efforts to be compensated in some physical way, or else all the trouble was a waste of time. He needed proof, something people could see and touch that he could wave around and feel validated in having.

Sometimes it was a paycheck, or a collection of fresh bruises from a fight, or a hickey he managed to score from some girl Ford never could remember the name of. Most of the time, though, it was just Ford himself that Stan paraded around like a prize-winning poodle, step up folks, take a look at the best in show.

Ford couldn't help but wonder what Stan had used to take his place, after they - after they parted ways. He didn't much want to think about it, really, and so he didn't. Instead, he chewed thoughtfully on the inside of his mouth, and tried to think of how to re-word the story in a way Stan would appreciate.

"It's implied." He begins, before cringing a little and deciding to start over again.

"The story ends before you can find that out, but it's not - Santiago isn't in a bad place, when it ends. He might not have gotten the marlin back in one piece, but he still managed to prove to everyone in the village that he had broken his unlucky streak by catching something that looked big enough to be a shark. That's something to be proud of, it's something that proves he's not a useless, good-for-nothing old man like everyone thinks he is."

Ford slows down a bit as they draw closer to the city, not wanting to risk being pulled over by a cop patrolling the city limits.

"And more importantly, Manolin - sorry, Santiago has this apprentice named Manolin, I forgot to mention him earlier. Anyway, Manolin - his parents want him to abandon Santiago and find a more successful fisherman to study under. They don't think he's going to learn anything from Santiago, they think he's all washed up. Manolin doesn't give up on him though, he stays loyal to Santiago and takes care of him, decides to stay with him despite everything, even when he comes back from his three day trip with nothing to show for it but a half-eaten skeleton."

"So Santiago, at the end of the story, he gets his pride back, he gets his apprentice back, and he just - he feels good about himself, he feels okay with where he is in life and where his life is going. Now, I know what you're thinking - the poor guy goes fishing for three days and all he gets in the end is something he already had before his unlucky streak started? Seems like a ripoff, right?"

He glances over, trying to flash a smile over at his brother, hoping his faux-cheer will somehow be contagious.
sixfingerednerd: (Aw jeez)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-06-07 10:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Ford doesn't respond right away. At least, not with words - the click of a dial and the sudden, steady rumbling of the heater as it purrs into life is the only answer he can think to give, because he's never been good with words, and part of him doubts Stan would even hear all of them even if he did say something. The poor bastard looks like he's ready to pass out, like he's fading in and out of awareness.

Ford's not sure if he should let him drift off or not. God knows he could use the rest, among other things, but Ford's never had to deal with someone who looks so damn close to overdosing before. He doesn't event want to entertain the idea, but a big part of Ford is terrified that if he lets his brother fall asleep, he might not wake up again.

Suddenly uncomfortable with the silence that's fallen between them, Ford glances over at Stan, just, you know, to make sure he's still awake, still breathing. Despite knowing he should really keep both hands on the wheel, Ford gives in to the urge to reach over and lay a hand on his brother's shoulder. He gives a gentle squeeze, then a little shake, just - just to wake him up a little.

"Stanley? You still with me, buddy?"
sixfingerednerd: (Aw jeez)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-07-30 02:31 am (UTC)(link)
The look Ford gives his brother, it's not a sad one, exactly. It's not quite a guilty one either, but if you look at it just right, if you tilt your head and squint - well, maybe he looks a little remorseful, a little like he just disappointed himself somehow.

"I think..." He trails off, his eyes turning back towards the road.

He knows what he thinks about that sort of situation, in the context of Santiago's story. He knows how he feels about Manolin, how he feels about the difficult, brave choice the kid made - but something tells him that's not what they're talking about. That's not what his brother is really asking him, that's not what he actually wants to know.

Ford clears his throat, his eyes darting quickly as he hastily reads a road-sign before they fly right on past it.

"I think there's a gas station up ahead. I'll see if they have any aspirin, maybe get directions to a motel."

He risks a glance over at his brother, hoping that he hasn't noticed how blatantly he dodged his question.

"You, uh. You want anything else while I'm in there? Food, a pack of cigarettes or something?" He asks, despite not wanting to enable his brother's smoking habit. "You still like Lucky Strikes, right?"
Edited 2016-07-30 02:32 (UTC)
sixfingerednerd: (Concerned Owl)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-08-11 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
When Stan sticks his tongue out like that, shows off the bloody aftermath of God knows what, Ford can't help but remember the time when they were eight, and Stan had found a dead raccoon on the side of the road, completely flattened in the middle. He had dragged Ford down to see it, because what eight year old kid wouldn't.

Apparently that's gonna be a life-long trend for his brother, showing him things that both disgust him and break his heart at the same time.

Ford looks away abruptly, swallows hard, and tries to ignore the way he can almost taste copper on the back of his tongue, there's so much blood in the air of this stupid, cramped cabin.

"Right, yeah, okay." He opens the door a little too quickly, shuts it a little too hard, and practically sprints into the gas station.

He tries not to make it obvious that he's keeping an eye on the car, but if Stan cares to look in the windows he'll be able to see the nervous, anxious looks being shot his way every -oh, five seconds or so.
sixfingerednerd: (Hello darkness my old friend)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-08-14 02:23 am (UTC)(link)
In fairness to the man behind the counter, it's the middle of the goddamn night, so expecting speedy service is asking a bit much. But still, the longer it takes him to ring up his items, the faster Ford's patience starts to run out - by the time everything's been punched into the register, Ford can't bring himself to wait any longer. He throws a ten on the counter, tells the befuddled cashier to keep the change, and rushes out the door and into the crisp night air -

Without a moment to spare, evidently, because just as he feared Stanley is doing something stupid.

"Stanley!" No no no, no getting out of the car, no trying to leave. "If you needed some fresh air you could've just rolled the--"

He stops short, his eyes locking onto his brother's hand now that he's actually close enough to see what's in it. He stares, dread welling up inside his chest as he prays to whatever God that's listening that the thing in his brother's hand is just a pebble, or some pocket lint, or an M&M or anything other than what he thinks it is.

"---Stanley. What the hell is that."
sixfingerednerd: (Aw jeez)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-08-17 02:57 pm (UTC)(link)
It's at this point that Ford wonders, idly, if he fell asleep at the wheel and this is all some sort of horribly realistic nightmare. If he waits it out, maybe he'll wake up in a ditch somewhere, or with his car wrapped around a telephone pole. He'd almost prefer that to the reality he's facing now, the horrible, nauseating scenario he always feared but never thought he'd actually have to face.

He tries to say something, anything, but his mouth has gone dry. He wets his lips, for what little good that does him, and clears his throat so that his words can get past the constricted airway blocking their path.

"Stanley. Let me see that for a second." It's said gently, a little too calmly, but it's still more of a demand rather than a request.

He moves forward to the side of the car, one hand propped against the doorframe as he leans forward, offering his brother the carton he bought while inside the station.

"Here, drink this while I take a look at it, alright? It should help."

It is not, in fact, a slushie, which should be pretty self-evident because of the fact it's in a carton. While the ice probably would have felt nice in the short term, the sugar wouldn't have done those lacerations any favors. Hopefully milk will be less abrasive.
sixfingerednerd: (Aw jeez)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-09-01 02:45 am (UTC)(link)
There's a point, you know, sometimes there's a point where you have to put your foot down, a point where you have to make a stand and say "alright, that's enough." This? This moment right here, where Stan is looking at him like he's not really there, talking about him like he'll go away unless he poisons his brain with even more of whatever the fuck that pill in his hand is? That's Ford's breaking point. That's where he draws the line in the sand and decides no, no, fuck it, he can't do this anymore, he can't keep going along with this delusion.

Ford drops to one knee, lowers himself down so he's eye- to eye with his brother, and he grabs his hand - curls it over the fist holding tight to that pill - and he squeezes tight.

"Stanley." You'd think he'd follow that up with something, but no, no all he does is look at his brother and feel sick while looking at him because he had hoped if he had just played along long enough he'd have time to figure things out, to figure out what to do. But he can't do that, he can't go along with this anymore and he still doesn't have any goddamn idea what he's going to do and he's sorry.

He's supposed to be the one with the plan, the one who always knows what to do because knowing things is all he's good for. What does that say about him, if he can't even do this one thing, this one thing his brother needs him to do?

"I'm not going anywhere." He adds, just to say something, just - just to make it seem like he's got some sort of plan here, some sort of inkling of what he's doing.

"I'm here, okay?" He reaches out, curling his hand around the back of his brother's head, his fingers tangling in his unruly hair just to emphasize his point, to really drive it home. "I'm here. I'm here for you, and you don't - you don't need to take anything to make me stay. You don't need to do anything, alright? Just - just trust me, please. I need you to believe me. I need you to believe I'm not going anywhere."
sixfingerednerd: (Regrets are many)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-10-01 06:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Here they are, right smack dab in the middle of an absolute shitshow of a situation, and the first thing Stanley thinks to do is to make a joke.

Ford would laugh at the audacity of it if he weren't so sure that he was one wrong breath away from crying, and wouldn't that just be the icing on the cake that is this horrible night.

Rather than laugh, or cry, or do anything that might open the goddamn floodgates and turn him into an emotional wreck, Ford simply exhales out of his nose. It's an ambiguous gesture, one that can be interpreted as everything from mild, begrudging amusement to getting choked up, which is fitting because Ford's genuinely not sure which end of the spectrum he's falling on right now. He's not sure of anything right now, honestly, least of all what he should do next.

It's a horribly disconcerting feeling, not knowing where to go from here. All his life, that had been his talent, his thing. He had been the brains to Stan's brawn, the half of their dynamic duo who always had a plan, a way out, a third option. And yet here he is, kneeling in a filthy parking lot without so much as a clue as to where to go from here.

Maybe he'll just have to improvise, take a leaf from his brother's book and just...go with things and see where it takes him.

"You know what I believe, Stanley?" His voice is soft, or at least, as soft has he can reasonably make it now that his throat feels like he's been gargling gravel all night. "I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'm not going anywhere. Hallucination or not, I'm gonna stay with you, alright? I'm gonna get you through this."

He knows it didn't do much good the first time, but he squeezes his brother's hand one more time, just for emphasis, just because he can.

"You've got to trust me, Stan. You don't have to think I'm real, but I can't- I can't help you if you don't let me."
sixfingerednerd: (Aw jeez)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-11-02 05:49 am (UTC)(link)
Ford's not sure what he's kneeling in, exactly. It might be a puddle of rainwater, or an oil spot, or a drink someone decided to dump out their window and onto the pavement. Whatever it is, its soaking through his jeans and making the cold, gritty feeling of the concrete beneath his knee all the more unpleasant. He focuses on that feeling instead of the words coming out of his brother's mouth, thinks about how he's probably going to have to use some lemon juice and baking soda (or was it vinegar?) to get rid of the stain he's undoubtedly going to be left with.

He thinks about that instead of Russia and Columbia and the waver in his brother's voice, because if he thinks about any of those things for too long he might just lose what little composure he's got left. One of them has to be the designated Adult here, at least one of them has to have their shit together and make sure this clusterfuck of a situation gets resolved somehow, and Ford's not about to foist that responsibility off on Stan. Between the two of them, at least he's not high off his ass and in the process of staving off what appears to be one spectacular emotional breakdown just waiting to happen.

"I'm not trying to sell you anything, Stanley." His voice sounds a little tighter than he'd like, but at least it doesn't waver. "You know I'm not."

He pauses, swallowing hard despite how dry his mouth feels.

"We grew up inside a pawn shop. I think you know what a sales pitch sounds like."
sixfingerednerd: (Just fuck me up fam)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2016-12-23 09:35 am (UTC)(link)
If it weren't for the fact Stan's holding onto his hand, holding to it tight like he's drowning and its his only lifeline, Ford might have made a grab for the pill. He might have tried to wrestle it away from his brother so he could throw it as hard and as far as he could, but he doesn't get the chance. That hand holding onto his keeps him from being able to do anything but hold right back, just as tight.

It's not just a habit, or an instinct. It's a rule, a law - it's an unspoken promise they've never once broken, not in all their life. You don't let go until it stops hurting. You just don't.

"Come on, Stanley." His voice hasn't cracked like that since puberty was kicking his ass up and down the stairs, but you know what that's just what having a raw, tight throat will do to you.

"Don't make me repeat all that. I will, if I have to. I'll say it as many times as it takes for you to believe it, but I think - I think you already know that. I think you want me to be telling you the truth, and--and that's why you don't think I am. Because why would anything ever go your way, right?"

It hurts, saying that. It hurts his throat and his heart and his soul, and he'll be damned if his glasses aren't fogging up as proof of it. The heat behind his eyes has built up to the point where he's genuinely surprised they haven't started melting yet, though the dampness of his lashes certainly seems to imply otherwise.

"Why...why would someone who hasn't talked to you in years suddenly care when they, when they were the one who--"

He cuts himself off abruptly, closing his eyes tight for a moment as he swallows down a pathetic, miserable sound before it can escape his throat. He is not going to cry, God Damn it, not for himself. If he's going to cry for any reason at all, it's going to be for his brother, for what's been made of him, for what he let happen to him - he refuses to allow guilt, as heavy as it might be, to be the thing that finally pushes him over the edge.

Ford swallows hard, his eyes screwed shut tight as he drags in a shaky breath though his nose and lets it out in a quite curse.

"God." He breathes. "Stanley, I'm - I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
sixfingerednerd: (It's guilt edged)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2017-07-26 07:13 am (UTC)(link)
Even with his eyes shut tight against the sharp, pricking heat building behind his lids, Ford can feel his brother's stare. He can feel the weight of his gaze, the quiet heat of it. It feels like being accused. No, more than that - it feels like being judged, sentenced. We the jury find the defendant guilty of being an absolute bastard of a brother.

Ford breathes out gently through his nose as he waits for the hammer to fall, for the court to be dismissed. He waits for Stanley to throw his apology back in his face like the worthless sentiment it is because there's no making amends for what he's done - for letting things come to this. For turning a blind eye while the world happened to his brother.

But, wouldn't you know it, the hammer never falls. That apology never comes back to hit him where he lives. Stanley just...turns his hand, uncurls his fingers. He doesn't hand over the pill, but he gives up on trying to keep it to himself.

Shocked, and maybe just a little hysterical with relief, Ford curls his own fingers tight around Stan's hand, trapping the pill between their palms. He could have just knocked the damn thing to the ground, snatched it up and put it in his pocket so maybe someone at the hospital could figure out what the hell it is, but no. No, this feels better. This feels more right.

"Y-yeah. Yeah, right. Right, right, ha-"

His smile is a shaky, unstable thing, and the amusement in his tone is nervous and forced. This emotional roller coaster just keeps throwing him for loops, and he's finally starting to feel the whiplash.

He fumbles for the milk, forgetting for a moment where he set it, before practically shoving it at Stan in a jittery fit of over-enthused nerves, as if Stan might just change his mind after a second's delay.

"Here, uh. You can drink it or just use it as a rinse. It, it doesn't really matter. Whatever makes you feel better."
sixfingerednerd: (You turn your cheek)

[personal profile] sixfingerednerd 2017-10-19 01:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, okay. Stan is cooperating. Things are going good. He just has to keep him distracted, keep him talking even though every other word out of Stan's mouth makes his stomach twist.

He's got this. He's got this situation under control. He is definitely, definitely not just hanging on by the skin of his teeth and hoping that will somehow be enough to keep this house of cards that is his fucking life from collapsing in on itself.

He flashes Stan a small, tight smile that he almost doesn't have to force and tries his damnedest to look encouraging, like someone who Stan could have even the slightest bit of confidence in.

"I don't think that's going to be a problem, Stanley."

Or at least he sure hopes it isn't, but if he can pretend for at least a little while that they have one less massive problem on their plate then maybe he can actually get them through this clusterfuck of a situation with his nerves intact.

"But just in case, why don't you keep an eye on the rear-view for me? Watch my six?"

Just like when they were kids, pretending to be soldiers or explorers or some other daring pair of adventures who were in way over their heads. Just like that, only this time the danger is real and they can't just avoid it by deciding they don't want to play anymore.

"The closest motel is about thirty minutes away, twenty if we ignore the speed limit a little. Think you can stay up that long?"

It's not a necessity, really, it's probably not even something that needs to be done at all, but if it helps Stan relax and it gives him something to do, to keep himself distracted, then Ford has no qualms with playing along and pretending it's important. Besides, having a task might help keep him awake, and Ford would very much rather be able to drive without having to take his eyes off the road every three seconds to make sure his brother is still breathing.